My Christmas request.

So, here's the thing. Normally, when I write an entry, I have this previous image of how it may turn out and I usually have gone back and forth about the topic and the way I want to portray it. As for this piece, I have no idea how it will result because I don't know if it's an honest reflexion or the consequence of a high fever and lots of medications. Let me explain.
For the past 5 days I've been home to a wonderful bacteria that has taken my larynx and joints as hostages, swelling and infesting them up and giving me what is best known as laryngitis and reactive arthritis. That, plus the flu-like symptoms which have woken up the best assets of fibromyalgia and asthma, have really made of the past week a very difficult one health-wise. For that, I haven't been able to get out of bed which has really brighten up my holiday spirit, that was previously non existent. As part of this crappy week, there has been a lot of sleepless nights: It wasn't just courtesy of depression and anxiety who've been absolutely present, but it was mostly thanks to the sore muscles, painful joints and adorable symptoms of the fibromyalgia and arthritis.
As I lay in bed in the quiet darkness of the night, I listened to something that surprised me: My own heartbeat. I had my hand placed right under my ear and there it was. My heart beating in a way I've never listened before. The following sleepless nights the same phenomenon happened. As my mind and my body felt sick and tired of being sick and tired, as I recalled all of those things that haunt me at night, as I counted all the tender points in which I felt absolutely painful, I could listen to my heart beating and everything was fine. I came to this realization that no matter how screwed you can feel, physically or psychologically, there's always a part of you that will fight to keep you alive, to be better, to feel fine. In my case, my heartbeat showed me that: I felt miserable, I usually tend to get more depressed and anxious when I feel physically sick or weak so... These past days, my best description is that I'm a 160 cms pile of tears, panic attacks, mucus, fever, bacteria, coughs and swollen extremities and joints (Graphic much). BUT even when I felt nothing in my body was working properly and every single cell and organ and neuron were on vacation, I listened to my heart beat. And there it was, my heart and a couple of cells and tiny workers inside my body were trying to keep me alive, and were trying their hardest to fight this freaking bacteria and to, somehow, restore my health.
And as I'm as cheesy as I can be, I found there the perfect metaphor that I needed to make it through Christmas, which is that as bad, miserable, grinchy you might be feeling, there's always a tiny part of your being in which light and love still shines through. As small as it may seem, it exists. And that keeps you going. And my challenge, for all of you who've had a miserable year and who aren't in a festive mood is to embrace that love that exist in your being. Not for the whole day, if you don't feel like it, not even for a whole hour, but spread a little of that which keeps you going. Even for a tiny second.
Because the truth is that there is someone out there, whose got it worse than you. I know you don't imagine it, specially if you have a poisoned brain which convinces you that in all of the scenarios you are THE ABSOLUTE worst of all. The saddest, the sickest, the most miserable of all the miserable miserables on every universe. And with this, I'm not trying in any way to give less importance to your pain: Is valid and real, and it matters, and only, only you know the extend of your suffering truly and it deserves all the empathy, attention, respect and love available. But I swear, as huge as your suffering is, you have something that someone doesn't: Call it family, food, treatment, meds, faith in God, clothes, hobbies, resilience, health insurance, etc... And those things are the ones that give you the love and light I previously talked about. Because even though others have what you are missing, the same things happen with you and others. So this is my challenge for you this Christmas.
If you aren't in the mood for being festive, don't be. Don't pretend that your mental health issues aren't there or that you are healthy and happy. You are who you are, and your story is what it is, no matter if the date in the calendar is 24th-25th of December or September the 3rd.  But if you've had a terrible year, like myself, you know how terrible it is to lack certain things, how melancholic this time of the year can be and how absolutely horrible it is to be heartbroken, depressed, lonely, sick, discriminated, judged, etc. So let's help each other. As miserable as you feel, you still have some light and love to give, and something you have and take for granted, is what others' are missing. So give them that, Even if it's for the tinniest second. Give someone a smile, a hug. Pay attention to someone's story, maybe no one has ever done that. Be there for those who don't have many friends or family, be with them. If you have talent for telling jokes, make people laugh. If you are poetic, tell someone something nice,
What I'm trying to tell you is that you, as terrible as you might feel, can make someones Christmas better. As much as you hate it, and as much as you tried to avoid it, the holidays are just around the corner. And they'll suck, and you'll still be having depression and anxiety and physical illnesses, and everyone around you will be as happy as they can be, so happy they'll even make you sick. So as you can't change that, you can't fast-forward the days to come, make them as good (or as manageable) as they can be. And I promise, that if you try to make others' (who feel as miserable as you, or even worse) day better, even if it's for a second with your smile, the day will be better.
That won't make your depression go away, or your joints to stop hurting, but it'll make you feel useful, like being alive for that second in which you helped other was worth it. You sincerely can't give everyone a material gift, and frankly, things are overrated. We need to share those untangible gifts, because it is what we lack the most. Faith, love, happiness, peace. And as miserable as you might be feeling, you are able to produce and give away those untangible gifts for others. And there, in that moment, you'll be an angel, a miracle, a beautiful unusual event, for someone who (as you) is hurting on this Christmas day.