I laughed right there but it got me thinking. What differences my literary efforts to all of those all ready existing writings about depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, arthritis or asthma? And it has been an unanswered question, revolving around my head, until few weeks ago.
I was on the Instagram page I created for this blog (@beyonddiagnosis) and I got a message. From a beautiful follower, who was going through a psychiatric medication change, and had learned that I was going through an adjustment because I posted a video talking about the side effects. She told me her story, and when I answered she was surprised, because she never thought I would reply, as most of the advocates have a busy life and don't do so. She told me she felt I was very close and real, and the fact that I was responding to her message was the proof of that.
And then it hit me. I'm no mental health awareness writer. Technically I am. But I'm just a young woman who got tired of fighting her demons alone, and who wanted to share her experience with different people (ones I've met, ones I haven't, ones I'll never will). I'm just trying to put the face to so many diagnosis people listen about, and imagine immediately scenes and characters from "Girl, interrupted" (Amazing movie, BTW).
What I've been trying to do, ultimately is to make people understand that those who sit next to them at class, who went to school with them, who they met at a party, who you think is "normal" and "functional", deals with certain symptoms. And has had crisis. And has endless nights of crying. And has some anxiety crisis as a result of some thoughts that make no sense whatsoever. And has taken medication for 1/4 of her life... And that's okay.
Talking about a quarter of my life, and taking advantage of a beautiful literary coincidence... that's the fact: 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental health condition at some point in their lives. 1 in 4. But we don't recognize that 1 as a person, as a human, as anything else other than a diagnosis and the stereotypes that comes with it.
I want, and has been my purpose for the past 11 months, to put a face, a story, a life to that 1 on 4.
And that's what I do. I talk about my symptoms, my appointments, my good and bad times, my therapeutic team, those things that help me and those who send me over the edge, my darkest times and hardest things to accept and come clean about. But I talk about my daily life, the things I go through and have gone through in my 23 years years on this earth. I talk about love, dating, heartbreaks, family crisis, separations, relationship with my parents and brother, my grandparents' illnesses, my dreams and desires, the trips I take or I wish I could, my journey as a psychology student, my love for people with cognitive and physical diversities, etc.
Because you can't separate the condition from the daily living stories of a human. It's amazing but it truly permeates every single aspect of your life and journey, so talking about depression is talking about how you've lived it as a student, how is had affected you when your heart has broken, your fears about disappointing you family, and the freaking medication change, weight gain, sleepless nights and endless fatigue, memory loss...
So no, I don't think I'll run out of material. Because I write about my life, about my journey, about my daily struggles. My intention has never been to write a manual on depression or anxiety, a new DSM, a how to deal with psychosomatic diagnosis or tips for dealing with arthritis.
I'm just someone whose daily life is complex in a way only some people, that are like me or that live with someone like me, will understand. But we live in community, and even if it doesn't directly affects you... It's never too late to know that those statistics, the 1 in 4, has a face, a story, a life, a name, an identity that goes way beyond the diagnosis.
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