Life is not okay, and that's okay.

If I have learned one thing, and only one thing, in this journey is the relevance of a quote I heard once a while ago, and that had a huge impact on me and still does.

"You can't save people. You can only love them"

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And when you read this, or at least when I did, I got chills. Because at first, you can really feel impotent and incapable of doing so much more, which is what you want for others.

We don't want, or at least most of us, don't want the people we love to suffer. So we try our best, and we give and give, searching to fix them and to help them from a spiral we are capable of living ourselves, but we hate the idea of others doing so. 

That's the thing.

So when people often get the courage of telling us what they are going through, the most common reaction is to try to help them. And most of those times, we believe helping them involves telling them how they should or shouldn't live their realities. Which is, apart from exhausting and somehow insulting, funny. We have no idea what they are going through, we aren't them, it's not our story. And yes, I know we oftenly do this from the most helpful place right deep on our hearts. That's not up to inquire. But the bottom line is, if they aren't explicitly asking for our help, or our opinion, we aren't in a place to do so. 

Because what we oftenly forget is that sometimes people just want to be heard. And I may take a bullet here, but I dare to say that MOST of the times, people just want to be heard. Nothing less, nothing more. They aren't looking for a place in which every single one with a voice has a different idea of how each and every single one of them would manage that situation, in a better way. Because when someone approaches and tells you "Have you tried this or that? I would do this or that", you are telling them that their effort isn't enough, isn't working. That somehow them, the main character of their movie, has no idea how to handle the plot and you, a strange saviour, will come and solve anything.

And I can swear, because I've been patient long enough and I've met a juicy amount of patients, that we all are doing the best we can, in that moment, with what we've got. Yes, sometimes the effort doesn't seem enough. Sometimes the answer seems so simple and people get frustrated at the patient for not seeing or recognizing it, that they believe people want to remain sick. Want to feel miserable. Want to stay stuck on their path. 

Bottom line here, only the patient knows what it is going through really. Because I can stand here and talk openly about my issues, but there will always be a part of my pain that remains hidden, because it is way too painful or because it isn't relevant enough. Still, only the one that suffers knows the magnitude of the issue they face every single day. And that's other. We, or any patient, have to face it every single day, every single minute. Not you. So your advices aren't coming from our reality, which is hard enough.

Other thing is the need of making everything perfect, or happy, or meaningful. And kid, not everything is perfect, or happy or has a meaning every single second. Yes, by giving it a reason and accepting it is how we get by. But at the moment of the crisis, we don't need people saying it's a blessing, it will shape us, or stuff like that. Sometimes, and by that I mean most of the critical times, we need people to stand with us and say "Yes it sucks" or "I get why you feel miserable". We don't need to be fixed right there. We need your support to feel validated, because hell, we are in our full right to feel tired or miserable or desperate at some point. The key is not to remain stucked there, and that's where the people we love will come through to give us a hand.

Because if we allow ourselves to grieve, to feel sad, to stress, to be anxious, to fight against life, that also makes part of acceptance. It's a very hard reality, and adjusting takes times. Letting go the dream of life you had is hard. Accepting your flaws is hard. Facing people's ignorance is hard. And no matter if you've battled 5 days, months, years or decades, there will always be moments (fewer as we get used to) in which life is way too much to take in. So there we will need to curse and shout and cry, because it's natural and you're allowed to do so.

So, at the end of the day... People can only love us. People can't save us. For the ones who aren't us, who listen: We'll be okay. And we'll find our own way to manage this chaos and we'll survive. If we ask for your opinion, give it to us bluntly. But if not, just your presence is enough.

For us, for the ones that talk: More often than we wished, we find people telling us how they would live our life better. Take something that makes you grow or is useful, if there is, and ignore if there isn't. Know you are doing your best and there isn't a unique way to make it through. The fact that you keep fighting is proof of your amazing capacities and self care.

For both, for all: Life sucks sometimes, and accepting it doesn't mean you've stopped loving life or have given up on it. Not everything has to be positive, not everything has a silver lining, and that's fine.