Abuse is never valid.

For the past month or so, sexual assault has been the it topic in news all around the world.
And I’m glad.
Because we can learn many things about it, things we should’ve known by now but somehow, are unfamiliar to us until it affect us directly.
We’ve seen how it’s not a matter that affects young women who “dress up provocatively” in dark alleys. No. It’s a matter that affects both men and women, of all age, of all races, of all economic status. It’s a matter of people at their work place, people trying to get a job, people who already have a job. It’s a matter of people hanging out with people they admired, people who somehow had power over them, people who inspired them, people who represented what others wished to be. It’s a thing of not only being abused, of feeling vulnerable, of having your identity and intimacy destroyed, but also of carrying with the blackmail of not being able to say anything. Because you can loose your job. Because your dreams can be over. Because no one will believe you. Because people always tend to get on the side of those with more powerful. Because somehow, for absolute sorrow of many, our society will always find a way of justifying the abuser. Because we live in a world, where it is more shameful to admit you are a victim, than to admit that you did the crime.
I think the greatest lesson, upon many, many lessons this events teach us, is that abuse isn’t always what we think.
Abuse isn’t just penetration.
Abuse isn’t just finding fluids of somebody in others’ body.
Abuse comes, in the very first moment that a person feels their intimacy is being violated. That their barreers are being penetrated. That someone, without their consent, takes absolute control of their corporal being to permeate in their psychology, in their identity, to absolutely break their story. Is having to laugh at that sexist joke, because if you don’t you are “way too sensitive”.
Abuse comes in the moment that a person feels abused. And we can’t discuss that. We can’t tell someone they weren’t abused, we can’t talk them out of it to make them feel whole again. We can’t convince them that their truth isn’t valid, because it’s their truth.
Abuse comes in infinite ways. It comes in jokes, comments, suggestions of dress code, sexist adds, insinuations, sexual proposals, physical advances, telling someone they should be “honored to be desired at least”, allowing boys to tell girls to raise their dresses because “it doesn’t mean a thing”, and much, much, much more things much, much, much more agressive.
It’s finally, not a matter of being gay or straight. It’s not a matter of your gender or sexual orientation and identification. To blame it on that only perpetuates prejudices and stereotypes that create fractures on society. It’s not to blame on alcohol or drugs, or any kind of addictions. It’s not valid because when we open Twitter we see headlines saying that 13 year old Stranger Things actress is described as hot, sexy, attractive. We need to stop the sexualization of minors, because that justifies the perception of them as sexual objects, making them even more vulnerable to sexually abussive comments from people 30-40-50 years older than them.
We need to stop. We need to praise those brave souls who tell their stories. We need to support and create spaces in which people can come clean about their experiences. We need to validate them, no matter which action made them feel abused. We need to create awareness, that it isn’t valid. No matter how much money, status, or power you can have.
Abuse is never valid.