Surviving suicide.

For a suicide survivor, every day is a victory.
For a suicide survivor, every day is a struggle.
Have you ever wondered what would be today if you weren't alive?
Have you ever wondered if life would still be the same if you weren't here?
That's every day, every minute of every day, for a suicide survivor.
Have you ever seen someone panicking after seeing a violent scene?
Have you seen someone who can't stand the funerals or never attends to them?
Have you seen someone leave a movie or show because of suicidal references?
That's every day for a suicide survivor. Because in every injury, we see our self harm. Because in every funeral, we see what could have been or will be ours.

Have you ever thanked someone for being alive?
Have you ever value how much does it cost to someone to wake up every day?
Have you ever imagine all the work that requires to get out of bed, bath, get dressed and go to your place?
Have you ever wondered that if someone doesn't show up to your party or event, it isn't about you, is just that they couldn't handle life today?
Because that's every day for a suicide survivor. To feel that surviving wasn't worth it. To not have sunshine every day. To perceive that you should have gone when you tried to. To know that you aren't enough, in terms of energy and availability, to keep up with life. To be sure that you aren't normal, and life was made for normal people.

Today is national suicide survivor day in the United States. And even if I'm from Colombia, I'm celebrating it. Because people don't know how hard it is to survive. Yes, it is a great gift. But it is a daily struggle. Because problems and pain won't go away, because you carry a ghost within yourself, because your family remains marked for ever, because you've got anniversaries that are inked on your skin.
I'm inviting you to celebrate those who are alive today. Even if they didn't wished for it to be like that. Even if they are hurting. Even if they don't admit it out loud. Send them a message, thanking them for their existence. Be kind, be gentle. Be empathic. Know that suicide survival doesn't end when you didn't die, it never ends. It is present every single day.
For my fellow survivors, with much love and immense admiration.
Sincerely,

A survivor.